Farewell Numero dois

The gospel, said President Gordon B. Hinckley, “is a plan of freedom that gives discipline to appetite and direction to behavior.”

Good afternoon brothers and sisters. Today, I would like to talk to you about a few things. First I would like to share some insights from the Ensign article titled, You are Free; second, I would like to touch on the atonement and the reason for the Easter season; and lastly I would like to tie it all together with a nice little bow by talking about how these first two points are what missionary work is all about.

On Facebook, I often check 3 different pages. The first is called “Many are Called, Few are Sisters” and has 5615 sisters who either have their mission calls, are waiting for their mission calls, or are returned sister missionaries who are willing to give advice. The second page is called “Army of Helaman” and is a page where all future missionaries post mission calls and advice. And the third is called something about Mormon Youth of Awesomeness. This facebook page has more than 16,000 young LDS members who are able to connect with each other from all around the world. It was on this third facebook page that a boy asked about how this religion offered freedom, even though it had so many rules.

There were many different comments under this one post, but there was one in particular that has stuck with me. A boy named Christopher said, “Two men want to fly. One jumps off a cliff, waves his arms and says, "I AM FREE." The second goes to flight school, learns the laws of flight, files a flight plan, straps himself into a restrictive g-suit, harness, and cockpit which limits his movement to less than two feet, than takes off, turns on the afterburner and flies at 40,000 feet above the speed of sound. Who is free?”

Our religion is like this first man. We have many commandments that we are to follow, as well as more recent revelations from latter day prophets, such as the Word of Wisdom and the Law of Chastity. Because we have so many restrictions, friends of mine have asked how I manage to have any fun. I can’t go out and party like they do, I can’t relax with some wine or smoke at work. I don’t use swear words to express my feelings and I don’t go out casually with boys like my friends do. But I don’t feel like I’m being locked in a cage with no way to advance. In fact I feel the opposite about all of the rules that I choose to follow. I feel free.

In the March 2013 Ensign, Elder D. Todd Christopherson wrote an article titled “You are Free”. In it, he shares a story that his aunt told to him about her father that I would like to share with you:

“My daughter and I were visiting in my parents’ home. Along about sundown my mother asked if we would like to step out on the back porch and watch Father call his [five] sheep to come into the shelter for the night. Father … is a stake patriarch, and … the personification of all that is good and gentle and true in a man of God.

“… Father walked to the edge of the field and called, ‘Come on.’ Immediately, without even stopping to bite off the mouthful of food they were reaching for, all five heads turned in his direction, and then [the sheep] broke into a run until they had reached his side and received his pat on each head.

“My little daughter said, ‘Oh, Grandmother, how did Grandfather get them to do that?’

“My mother answered, ‘The sheep know his voice, and they love him.’ Now I must confess that there were five sheep in the field, and five heads went up when he called, but only four ran to Father. Farthest away, clear over on the edge of the field, looking straight toward Father, stood [a] large [ewe]. Father called to her, ‘Come on.’ She made a motion as if to start but didn’t come. Then Father started across the field, calling to her, ‘Come on. You’re untied.’ The other four sheep trailed behind him at his heels.

“Then Mother explained to us that some few weeks before this, an acquaintance of theirs had brought the [ewe] and had given it to Father with the explanation that he no longer wanted it in his own herd. The man had said it was wild and wayward and was always leading his other sheep through the fences and causing so much trouble that he wanted to get rid of it. Father gladly accepted the sheep, and for the next few days he staked it in the field so it wouldn’t go away. Then he patiently taught it to love him and the other sheep. Then, as it felt more secure in its new home, Father left a short rope around its neck but didn’t stake it down.

“As Mother explained this to us, Father and his sheep had almost reached the [straggler] at the edge of the field, and through the stillness we heard him call again, ‘Come on. You aren’t tied down any more. You are free.’

“I felt the tears sting my eyes as I saw [the sheep] give a lurch and reach Father’s side. Then, with his loving hand on her head, he and all the members of his little flock turned and walked back toward us again.

“I thought how some of us, who are all God’s sheep, are bound and unfree because of our sins in the world. Standing there on the back porch, I silently thanked my Heavenly Father that there are true under-shepherds and teachers who are patient and kind and willingly teach us of love and obedience and offer us security and freedom within the flock so that, though we may be far from the shelter, we’ll recognize the Master’s voice when He calls, ‘Come on. Now you’re free.’”²

I know that I’ve been staked down by some of my sins and lesser deeds in this world. I’ve been too involved in myself to notice the elderly woman struggling at the checkout counter. I’ve been too invested in getting that last cookie or piece of cake to notice the little boy who hasn’t had any yet, but isn’t yet brave enough to approach the table. I’ve fought with my family over silly things and I’ve said some things that I shouldn’t have. I haven’t read my scriptures every day and getting down on my knees to pray is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I have noticed that when I do these things, when I do read my scriptures and I do pray and I pay attention to helping those around me, that I feel much better. Physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Which brings me to my next point: When we follow those commandments and rules that we are given, then we are free. But none of us are perfect; therefore no one can follow all the rules all the time and be free. When we do not follow God’s commandments, we are under the influence of Satan, and we have sinned.

Elder Christophersen said, “Our choice in this life is not whether we will or will not be subject to any power. Our choice is to which authority we will yield obedience: God’s or Satan’s. As Lehi stated, it is a choice between liberty and captivity (see2 Nephi 2:27). If it is not one, it is necessarily the other.”

Life is black and white when it comes to the gospel. It is the world that takes every opportunity to blur the lines and create a grey area. Darkness cannot exist where light is just as Satan cannot exist where God is.

In Alma 40:26, it says, “…no unclean thing can inherit the kingdom of God; but they are cast out and consigned to partake of the fruits of their labors or their works, which have been evil.”

If we do not follow the commandments, we cannot return to live in the presence of our God. That leaves us with a dilemma, because the reason that we were sent to this earth was to be tested and then ultimately return to live with our Heavenly Father. That dilemma is solved with one word: atonement.

In the Plan of Salvation pamphlet that the missionaries use, there is a section explaining the atonement of Jesus Christ. One part of it says, “Because your Heavenly Father loves you, He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to pay for your sins. This payment is part of the Atonement of Jesus Christ…In paying for your sins, Jesus did not eliminate your agency or personal responsibility—He will not make you clean against your will. To receive His help and strength, you need to exercise faith in Him, repent, be baptized, receive the Holy Ghost, and choose to follow His teachings for the rest of your life. As you rely on the Atonement, you will feel the love of God and He will help you endure your trials. You will experience joy, peace, and consolation. All that seems unfair in life can be made right through the Atonem    ent of Jesus Christ and the mercy of and love of our Heavenly Father. The Atonement is the central point in the plan of salvation.”

The first facebook page that I mentioned, Many are Called, Few are Sisters, is a page where past, present, and future missionaries are able to post their thoughts, doubts, and experiences. One girl, named Aly, posted a question on here. The question was: Fill in the blank: The Atonement ….. me. And then she said: The Atonement changes me. 24 girls commented on this post, and here are some of their answers:

The most common one was: Top of Form

The Atonement saves me. Every day.

 Sanctifies and molds me

The Atonement strengthens me.

 The Atonement blesses me

The Atonement betters me.

 The Atonement makes me whole.

The atonement Carries me, Cleanses me, fulfills me, rescues me, is for me, Defines me, heals me , Supports me , is for you and me, enables me, and protects me.

In General Conference in October 1996, Elder Russell M. Nelson, gave a talk titled, “The Atonement”. In it he said, “To be redeemed is to be atoned—received in the close embrace of God with an expression not only of His forgiveness, but of our oneness of heart and mind. What a privilege!”Bottom of Form

The atonement goes much deeper than what I have just touched on. I just felt the importance of relating to you that there is hope for a better tomorrow and that it is never too late to turn to God. Because we are already saved. He loves us and wants us to return to Him. And He has provided a way.

As I’m sure you already know, in just 10 days I will be in the MTC beginning my mission. I have been called to serve in the Brazil Vitoria Mission. Along the way, I’ve had some bumps in the road. I would like to relate to you some of how I got to this point.

When I was just 13 I had my first ultra-spiritual experience during education week at BYU-I. It was at this point that all of those primary lessons and young women’s lessons became clear to me and I became converted to this gospel. Later that year, I was able to receive my patriarchial blessing. It referenced a certain scripture about missionary work and learning multiple languages. That year was a good year, spiritually.

When I graduated high school, I was 17. Two days after I graduated I was in Provo, Utah attending orientation for BYU. I had always wanted to attend BYU. It was a church school, and a prestigious university. I attended BYU for about a year before it became clear to me that even though I was attending all of the required religious classes and achieving decent grades in those classes that I just wasn’t learning. I realized that I wasn’t reading my scriptures or praying. I also realized that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to believe in this church anymore. I knew that God existed, but I wasn’t so sure that this was the only church that had the whole truth. I just wasn’t sure.

I went through most of my time at BYU not sure that the church was true. But in January of 2012, that all changed.

My best friend and cousin decided that she wanted to serve a mission. She began to fill out her paperwork and got really excited about going. It was at that point that I began to reevaluate my religious views.

That time in my life, I felt the effects of the atonement. It began with my cousin’s desire to serve a mission and it ended with me being sure that this gospel was true. Because of my eldest brothers’ sacrifice and willingness to atone for my sins, I was able to come back from being totally inactive on the inside.

Missionary work and the atonement go hand in hand, naturally. Especially in my life. When my father joined the church, he was 21, and had had a lifetime of partying behind him, and because of a member missionary (my mom) and the missionaries that taught him, my family has been sealed in the temple. When I became re-converted to the gospel last year, it was because of a future missionary.

When a missionary goes out and finds a family who is interested in the gospel, there is going to be something that that investigator needs to change in order to fully convert to the gospel. Whether it be they need to stop drinking coffee, stop smoking, get married, or something else, without the atonement there wouldn’t be any hope. We would be in a dead end here in this life. But with the atonement, these people are saved! And that is a glorious message.

That is why missionaries do what they do.

These few years have been a rollercoaster for me, especially these last 6 months. I went to college, lost my faith, found my faith, sent my cousin off on a mission, moved home, got a mission call, waited 4 months for my report date, and had many more ups and downs.

But with the help of my Heavenly Father I have gotten here, to this point. In 10 days I will officially be a missionary. And thanks to the atonement and God’s commandments, I am worthy to represent my Heavenly Father as a missionary. 

Last Family Vacation...

In January of 2012, my parents surprised us kids with a trip to New York City for a whole weekend. We'd never been to NYC and they had EVERYTHING planned out and paid for. It was so much fun...and basically our first family vacation, ever.

So, anyways, this last weekend, the weekend of March 22, 2013, my parents planned another surprise vacation. And this one was also all planned and paid for...and it was SO MUCH FUN! 

We drove 6 1/2 hours to Williamsburg, VA, which actually took 9+ hours because of multiple bathroom breaks, a stop at Cafe Rio for lunch, and standstill traffic.  After that, we pulled up to this place called Great Wolf Lodge, a very large wood-cabin-like-hotel. That was pretty cool in and of itself. And then we walked in...and saw a HUGE INDOOR WATERPARK! 

This waterpark was so amazing...and it was great for everyone of ALL ages. Seriously! It had a large wavepool, lots of great waterslides, a lazy river, a kiddie pool, a large playground type thing and a huge pool! We seriously spent like 8 or 9 hours at the waterpark this weekend, which was indoors, so it was even open when it was 40' outside and raining! The hotel also had a bunch of activities for the younger kids like a mini bowling alley, a cool magic wand game, a big sweets shop, and the largest arcade ever! And the rooms were even cool!

There was a pullout bed, a double bed, and a "log-cabin" in the room with a bunk bed and a single bed. So every single kid had their own bed in this hotel room. Too bad we were only there for 1 night...

So, Saturday after we were done at the waterpark, it was about 4, we headed over to the  other hotel. With just 2 double beds. And a pullout bed. So everybody had to share a bed, which wasn't too awful, I guess...We spent the night with some family friends and then went swimming at the hotel wiht their family. That was fun. I realized I could NEVER have 6 kids under the age of 10! 

The next morning, Sunday, we rode a ferry from Jamestown over to Surry, VA and back again. That was pretty cool. Seagulls were following the boat, so we were feeding them bread and animal crackers and they would eat them right out of your hand! I almost did it, but I got spooked at the last minute and dropped the bread. They were also catching the bread in their mouths. That was cool! Afterwards, we headed home, with a quick stop at Five Guys. 

And Monday morning, today, Mom and Teagan headed off to pick up our new puppy from Lancaster! His name is Wynston and he just got home. It'll be interesting...this pup'll be either the best trained dog in the world or he'll be just crazy confused!

Farewell Talk-Numero Um

Funny side note: As I was taking the sacrament today, I dropped a cup of water on my lap and it got all over my talk so had to ad-lib some of it. And I had a wet dress the whole time :) Oh the adventures...

Here is my farewell talk that I gave in my college branch. 

Until I sat down to write this talk I would have told you that I couldn’t decide where to go in life, I heard the age-change announcement, and decided right there to go on a mission. I started my papers that Wednesday and leave exactly six months from that date. But as I contemplated how in the world I was going to give a 20 minute talk on that I realized that it wasn’t ever that simple and quick. You hear about people who have been prepared their whole entire life to serve a mission. I am that person.

In 1991, my mom and dad met and started to date. My mom decided she didn’t want to raise her children outside of the church and my dad took missionary discussions. He got baptized. They got married. And a year later, when I was 2 weeks old, we got sealed in the Idaho Falls temple as a family for all time and eternity.

Fast forward to 2006: I had just turned 14 years old and the idea of a blessing full of promises from God intrigued me. I decided I wanted to receive my patriarchial blessing. I did, and it was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. It referenced a scripture about missionary work that I had read just that Sunday in Sunday school. It also talked about learning multiple languages and it talked about how as I learned these languages that Heavenly Father would help and my ability to communicate would flourish.

2007: I was attending education week at BYU Idaho with my dear, sweet cousin and best friend. We were attending one of the classes when the teacher sang and played a song about his wife’s brother who had passed away at a young age. I heard a voice as clear as if they were sitting next to me, and it said, “I am here. I am real. And it is all true. The church is true.”

2010: I started attending BYU. I stopped praying and reading scriptures and was active only through outward appearances. I knew there was a God but I wasn’t sure how involved He was in our lives. I knew religion was important, but I wasn’t sure how this church fit into it.

Jan. 2012: My cousin and best friend began her mission papers and I began to desire to serve a mission We had done everything together up to that point and it was hard saying goodbye to her knowing that the next time I got to see her I would be 22. I was only 19 at the time. At this point I reevaluated my views on this religion and decided that God is here. God does listen. God does care.

Apr. 2012: I chose to defer my BYU enrollment a semester so that I could go ‘travel the world’. I got a passport, started saving money, moved home for free rent and free food, and started the highest paying job I could find: working in a plastic bag factory, and got accepted to teach English in China. And then Lithuania. And then all my travel plans fell through and by September I had decided to return to BYU and finish my degree and then go on a mission. This plan still didn’t feel right but it was all that I had.

Oct. 2012: President Monson’s announcement. It was earth shattering for nearly every Latter-day Saint, but more so for those it affected. I was flitting in and out of the room where my dad had the computer on watching General Conference and I heard that the prophet changed the boy’s missionary age from 19 to 18. I ran in there in shock!  I couldn’t believe what he had said. I was so excited for the boy’s that this would affect. And then President Monson said something I will NEVER forget. He said that starting immediately young women would be able to go on missions starting at 19. I was 19!  I knew immediately this was for me! Definitely an answer to prayer! I sprinted upstairs and told my mom. I was crying and shaking at the same time.

That Wednesday, I met with President Hanscom and started my mission papers, something that I hadn’t expected to be able to do for another year. On November 18^th, I officially submitted my papers and anxiously awaited word that my call had been assigned. The week after Thanksgiving it had been assigned and I received my mission call on December 6, 2012. The moment I saw that large white envelope in my mailbox, it really hit me. Wherever is in this envelope I would be spending my next 18 months!

Up to this point I had prayed fervently to be sent to a foreign mission. I wanted to travel and learn another language. I had also had 2 dreams. In one I was sitting on a bench in a chapel and a missionary came into the room and said ‘Sister Lillian, we are ready for you.’ I followed that missionary into another room and began to translate in American Sign Language for a bald, black man in his mid-twenties. In another dream I dreamt that I got called to Salt Lake City. I took these dreams as a sign that I would be getting called stateside, maybe speaking ASL. I had begun to prepare myself for this possibility that I may not be going someplace cool and exotic. I hoped for Ireland, or Australia, or, especially, Africa. But I expected someplace like Salt Lake City or North Dakota.

After I got my mission call out of the mailbox, I took it inside, and set it on the table. I spent some time with my brother and sister and waited for my mom to get home. When she got home and saw the envelope she was surprised I hadn’t opened it yet. I then took it downstairs, alone. I said a prayer asking Heavenly Father to help me know that this call was for me, where I needed to be, and when I needed to go. I then opened it and began to read:

Dear Sister Lillian,

You have hereby been called as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You have been assigned to labor in the Brazil Vitoria Mission. It is anticipated you will serve for a period of 18 months. You will preach the gospel in Portuguese. You will report to the Brazil MTC April 10, 2013.

I know everyone says this about their mission calls, but after I read that, I KNEW that there was someone waiting there for me. I would be speaking Portuguese. A language I had never even heard of. And I would report to the Brazil MTC in just under 17 weeks. 4 months. I had never even considered South America. Brazil was never on my radar. But, a couple of people in my branch had guessed that I would be going to Brazil that week prior. I reread my patriarchial blessing and was reminded of this scripture, which my patriarchial blessing quotes, and which sparked my desire to serve a mission back in 2006, more than 7 years ago:

Jeremiah 16:16

Behold, I will send for many ^afishers, saith the Lord, and they shall fish them; and after will I send for many hunters, and they shall hunt them from every mountain, and from every hill, and out of the holes of the rocks.

This was when it hit home that I have a Heavenly Father who has a plan for each and every one of us. He knows us. He loves us.

After opening my call I ran up the stairs and just handed my mom the letter. I told my family and none of my siblings really cared. It took a while for it to sink in for them. I tried calling my dad, but it took a few times to get through to him, since he was busy at work.

I was shocked. I was going to South America. I would live on the beach, I would get really tan, and I would never be cold!

One idea that I’ve slowly wrapped my mind around, is that a mission is not for me. It is a tithe of my life for my Heavenly Father.

I’m a member of a Facebook page that is called “Many are called, few are sisters”. On this page, more than 5000 sisters post where they have gotten their mission calls to and are able to connect with others who have received that same call, or give advice to those who are going to be in their home mission, or reach out to help uplift others and give advice and ask for help in preparing. There are sisters on this page from new converts to 18 year olds with mission calls to 23 or 24 year olds who have decided that now is their time to serve a mission. There are also a few returned sister missionaries who willingly give advice and comfort to those of us who are all new to this missionary thing.

One of the sisters, a Sister Bonner, posted this in response to another sister’s worries that she will not be called someplace ‘cool’ because of health problems: “Whether you go to Africa or Idaho you will be doing the same thing...finding and bringing those to Christ! That's all that truly matters in the end.”

It is great things like this that are uplifting and definitely needed to assuage worries that we all have. This is what this Facebook page is all about.

In a talk given by President Monson, titled “Missionary Work”, he outlines 3 things that a missionary must do in order to be a successful missionary. Prepare with purpose, teach with testimony, and labor with love.

The first point is to: prepare with purpose. Whether you are preparing to serve a full-time mission, a service mission, or simply preparing to share the gospel with those you interact with every day, preparing with purpose is imperative. Preparing to share the gospel in everyday situations is what every one of you should be preparing to do and doing it. Whether you have been a member of the church since you were 8, 18, or 28 the idea is the same. We have something amazing. Why wouldn’t we want to share that?

We can prepare many different ways. Studying Preach My Gospel is a great way to prepare to share the gospel in any type of missionary setting. It will give you the tools you need to be confident and knowledgeable in what you are trying to share. Reading your scriptures and prayer are also powerful tools in preparing. As I was growing up, I have lived outside of the “Mormon bubble” for most of my life. And I have had the opportunity to answer many questions pertaining to why I did or didn’t certain things. Why I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere on Sundays. Why I didn’t drink coffee or use vulgar language. I believe that the only reason I was able to answer these things was because I was prepared with the purpose that my friends would ask these things. Listen in church, read and study your scriptures, and pray with the intent that you may be able to help a questioning soul today.

Christ once made this statement, “behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind”. A worry that is constantly coming up in my mind and in the minds of others that I know is that there is no way we are good enough to represent God and to share His gospel. However this is never the case. Christ teaches here that as long as we have a willing heart and mind, and we are willing to do our part in preparing then we will always be worthy enough to represent Him.

There is a quote circulating around that is apparently from a bumper sticker, which I have admittedly never seen, that says, “The Lord doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies those he calls.” Even though this quote is not church doctrine I have definitely come to recognize the truth in these words. Just like what I said above, if we are willing and able to serve, He doesn’t care in what capacity that service is rendered. He will always be there to help us if we have prepared as well as we can.

The second point, teach with testimony, is not one that I’ve necessarily been able to utilize often, but I’ve seen it every time I’ve gone out with the sister missionaries we have here in our ward. One thing that they do very well is that they lay out the doctrine and then they bear testimony of what it is that they are teaching. I’ve noticed that when this happens it’s not necessarily what they say that hits home to their investigators, but what the spirit is saying along with their testimonies.

Thirdly, is to labor with love. One of the questions that President Hanscom asked me in my final interview was whether or not I would be able to love people. Of course I said yes, but after thinking about that question I had to reconsider my answer. Every missionary, past and present, that I’ve talked to has said that loving others is one of the biggest parts of missionary work. I had to think…I love my family. I love my God and Jesus Christ. But can I love someone who is in a gang and likes to hurt others or is smoking and refusing to quit? And although I have not been in these circumstances yet, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can do this.

Working in a factory is hard enough with the temperatures and the crazy flip-flopping hours, but there are also people there. People who smoke a lot, swear worse than a sailor, and work very hard for the little money than can. And as I’ve thought about leaving and never going back there to work, I start to miss it and I realized that it’s not the hours I’ll miss. Or my fork truck. Or taping boxes. It’ll be the people that I’ll miss. And the only way to miss people like that is if I love them. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I really, truly have come to love and respect those who I work with.

President Hinckley said this on the topic of laboring with love,

“There is no substitute for love. Often this love is kindled in youth by a mother, expanded by a father, and kept vibrant through service to God. Remember the Lord’s counsel: ‘And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work.’  Well might each of us ask himself: Today, have I increased in faith, in hope, in charity, in love? When our lives comply with God’s standard and we labor with love to bring souls unto Him, those within our sphere of influence will never speak the lament, ‘The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved.’”

Saint Francis of Assissi once said, “Preach the gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words”.

I think that by laboring with love, which can also include service for others, we are spreading the gospel. He does not always require that we bear lengthy testimonies while standing on the street corners or that we give every single person that we meet a Book of Mormon, although that is a good thing. It is necessary to live what we know and to live what we teach, throughout the church, whether a member or a ward missionary or a full time missionary.

I could list so many things that I hope to accomplish as a missionary. I hope to become fluent in Portuguese and to bring enough people to the church that Vitoria can get its own temple. I hope to be able to read all 4 books of scripture and to be able to help others feel the spirit. I hope to learn about another culture and to become more adventurous in my food choices.

But all of my goals can be summed up into one ultimate goal.

My goal as a missionary is to rely on my Heavenly Father in all things. Far too often I’ve taken life upon myself and have decided that I can do so much better. But time and time again I’ve been proven wrong and have had to humble myself and turned to my father in heaven.

I turn for just a moment to member missionary work. I realize that not everyone has or will serve a full time “official” mission. But I do know that everyone can serve their own personal mission. My calling in this ward is to be a ward missionary, and even though I’m rarely out with the missionaries because of differing schedules, I’m still doing my part. And you can too even without a special calling. In Doctrine and Covenants 88:81 Joseph Smith says, “It becometh every man who hath been warned to warn his neighbor.”

Every single person sitting here can be a missionary. Being a missionary means explaining misconceptions about the LDS church that you may hear. Being a missionary means dressing and acting as disciples of our Heavenly Father. The world is watching and how we approach a situation with someone may later spark their interest in this very church. And in doing so you have done your part to assist another person to eternal salvation.  And that sounds pretty darn important.

In the 2003 Ensign, Elder M Russell Ballard gave a talk titled “The Essential Role of Member Missionary Work”. Elder Ballard says this:

“Member missionary work does not require the development of strategies or gimmicks. It does require faith—real faith and trust in the Lord. It also requires genuine love. The first great commandment is to “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. … The second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matt. 22:37, 39).

I am so excited to serve the people of Brazil in any way I possibly can. I am terrified of being thrown into something that I’m not prepared for, but I’ve also realized that if we do everything we can to be prepared, then the Lord will fill in the gaps. I intend to do this!

My Car Miracle

I am a firm believer that God has a hand in our every day lives.

On Tuesday I had a doctor's appt with the travel doctor so I could get all of my shots to go to Brazil. I was running late and couldn't find my keys so I decided to take my mom's van because I was going to be late and didn't have time to search for my own keys.

I made it to the appt, got all of my shots, and am now ready for Brazil...

After I got home from the appointment my mom found my keys. They had been right on the front desk the whole time, just barely hidden.

The next time I drove my car, it was to work Wednesday morning. I was driving along just fine until my car jerked. And then when I pressed the gas pedal the engine didn't respond and my car started smoking. I kept pushing the gas pedal, willing my car to make it to a place that I could pull over, preferably closer to where I worked. It just barely made it to the road on which I work. I pulled over, called my dad while in tears (this was the first time something like this had ever happened to me!), and then just left my car and walked the rest of the way to work.

Miracles happen, people.

The timing of this is just incredible. If I had driven to the appointment in my car, it would have broken down who knows where and I would have missed my appointment and might not have been able to go to Brazil in April. My car barely made it to within walking distance of where I worked and I was able to get it to a place where I knew it would be safe to pull over. I was kept safe. And this has happened just weeks before I leave, not months.

I am seriously so grateful for a Heavenly Father who keeps me safe. And who comforts me. And who knows me and what I need.

Recognize the Holy Spirit.

My entire life I've heard of people referring to the spirit that they've felt. I've heard people talk about the importance of recognizing the spirit or holy ghost. I've heard it ALL.

But I've never, ever actually done it. Sure I've felt the spirit at SUPER spiritual events like a baptism, or girls camp, or a farewell, or even conference. But I would sometimes go weeks at a time without feeling the spirit or receiving promptings and I would feel like I wasn't worthy of feeling it. Which confused me because I was taught that it would be with me always, especially after I got baptized. And it wasn't. Atleast I didn't think it was. I guess this is where the importance of recognizing it comes in to play.

This week, I've had my mission call for 8 weeks. I've been preparing to serve a mission since 2 months before that, right after October's general conference. That's 4 months of pretty intense spiritual preparation. And this week I finally GOT IT.

For ever I've felt the spirit's promptings. In school I would always know the answers to the questions but I would never answer out loud because I'd convince myself that they were wrong. I'm pretty sure that was the spirit. This week I've had thoughts to take a key someplace that is basically never locked, and it happened to be locked that one time. I've had thoughts to take gloves someplace, or to offer someone something, and then I ignore it and that someone asks for that thing later on in the day.  And these thoughts sound different from my own. But they are my own, if that makes any sense. They are quieter somehow. Not quite like the yelling that goes on in my head most of the time.

I am learning to recognize that I am special in God's eyes and He has sent is spirit to be with me. The Holy Ghost really is a special gift that everyone can have. It is a way cool thing to recognize, because it becomes much easier to notice after you do notice and heed it.

God can, but doesn't.

So, something that I've been trying to figure out in my mind for some time now is how involved God is in our lives. I understand that in the premortal realm, Heavenly Father accepted Christ's plan, and put it into motion. The plan was that we would be sent to earth as a test, and instead of being guaranteed a spot next to God in the next life (like Lucifer's plan would have done) we would have to earn that spot. I've also learned that God is in control of all things, that God has laid down a plan for all of us, and that God knows everything. For some reason I just couldn't get all of these facts to mesh, gel,, whatever, in my mind. Until I realized the one thing I was missing...

Free Agency.

Published December 20, 2012

After an interesting talk with my father, I see it like this. God has this helper who we call the Holy Spirit or the Holy Ghost. He can put thoughts into our heads, and whether or not we can distinguish them from ourselves or the spirit is up to us. Sometimes people can't but follow good promptings anyways. Yay! Sometimes people can't distinguish the difference, but ignore all good thoughts. No! Sometimes people distinguish the difference and only follow the spirit. Yay! Sometimes...you get the point.

Also, there is a plan laid out for all of us. When I got my patriarchial blessing I was told that those promises made in it would come to pass only if I was obedient. It is the same way with the plan God has laid out before us. If we listen to the spirit, or even the good thoughts in our heads, and follow Christ, the He will lead us along our chosen path. And even though sometimes we will run into hard times, which can only make us stronger if we lean on Him, most of the time, the only things on our paths are good.

The really bad things happen when we leave that path, that plan that has been laid out before us, and stop listening to the spirit, or the good thoughts inside our heads. This isn't a part of God's plan, this is a part of Satan. So sometimes God, through the spirit, tries to get us to do good, and Satan, through his dark angels, tries to get us to do good. God cannot force people into submissiion. That just isn't what he does. Free agency, remember?

So, basically, I believe that God has a plan for each of us. If we follow good, we will walk along that path and end up on God's right hand. If we refuse good, we will be cast out. God knows all things, and can control all things. But He doesn't because He gave us free agency.

There is no such thing as inferior with God.

Published December 16, 2012

The whole time I was "growing up" I somehow came to believe that those called to stateside missions were somehow inferior to those called to foreign missions. And those asked to serve a mission in English were somehow inferior to those asked to teach in a foreign language. Therefore, I came to the conclusion that the ultimate way to prove that you were completely capable in the eyes of God was to be called to a foreign, non-English speaking mission. I WAS WRONG!

With all the mission calls being issued in the past few weeks, I see people I know going to Mississippi, Argentina, Georgia, Brazil, Germany, and many, many other places throughout the world. And let me be the one to tell you, those girls (and boys) who are being called to stateside, English-speaking missions are so much better than I am. 

I know that God calls His missionaries to wherever He needs that specific person. There is someone in Brazil who needs to hear the gospel from a tall gringo, with bad portuguese. And there is someone in Mississippi who needs to hear the gospel from a fiery red-head who knows her stuff. Mission calls are absolutely inspired from God.

Also, I thought that I might feel like I might want to go on my mission to another place, other than where I got my mission call to. But I was also wrong about that. I have never, ever been out of the United States (unless you call going to Victoria, Canada out of the states, which I don't), And South America never crossed my mind as a potential mission. I always considered England, or Australia, or Africa. 

Never. Brazil.

But I have had confirmation that there is someone in Brazil who needs me there. And that the Brazil Vitoria Mission is the best mission in the world. And to think I've never even been there. I can't imagine how I'm going to feel when I actually get there!

116 days and counting...I can't wait!

He Has a Plan For Me

Published December 13, 2012

The more I think about serving a mission on the southeast coast of Brazil, speaking Portuguese with the locals, I have way mixed feelings.

Sometimes I think, "What am I doing?!? I don't know the gospel that well, I don't know if I can get through the day on 8 hours of sleep, I don't know if I can learn Portuguese enough to speak fluently in 3 months, I don't know if I really want to go to Brazil, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!"

Other times,  when I'm calmed and praying, I think, "I have been called to serve these Brazilian people. I don't need to know the language perfectly, all I need to do is love and serve them. Out of any of the places in the world I could have been called, I've been called to South America. It never crossed my mind as a possibility. I have a purpose in doing this and God is in all things. The spirit will help me in all I do because I am doing this for the salvation for mankind."

I leave my home in Pennsylvania in 118 days. I fly straight to Sao Paulo, Brazil and begin my mission. For 18 months, life isn't about me. Life is about loving those who live in southeast Brazil.

Eu sei que meu Pai Celestial tem um plano para mim. E servir uma missão só acontece de ser nas cartas. Vai ser difícil, mas vai valer a pena. Às vezes eu quero ir para casa e às vezes eu nunca vai querer sair. Deus vai se alegrar comigo e vai me fortalecer. Fui chamado para servir.

Chamado para servi-Lo, rei da glória celestial.

Published on December 6, 2012

I have been called to serve in the Brazil Vitoria mission. I will report to the Brazil MTC on Wednesday April 10, 2013. I will be speaking Portuguese, and it is anticipated that I will serve for a period of 18 months.

This feels so unreal. Like I'm in a dream, or something. I have been waiting for my mission call all week, well actually all my life, and it finally came today. I let it sit for a little while, and then I took it down to my bedroom to open it alone. I said a prayer and asked God to help me know that this is where He needs me to go. And I feel like it is. I feel like I should be terrified right about now. In 4 months from Monday, I will be in a foreign country where no one speaks my language. I will have a few weeks to learn a new language and how to teach people in this new language and then I will be sent out on the streets of Brazil, with a companion, to teach people about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I should be terrified. But I'm not. I am excited, and nervous, and have had a good deal of second thoughts today. But every time I have one of those thoughts, I realize that God has called me to the Brazil Vitoria mission for a reason. And it is my privilege to find out what that reason is.

I will very soon be a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

And...

Officially Recommended

Published on November 18, 2012

Today, I've been officially recommended for missionary service by both my branch president and my stake president. It feels so incredible. I seriously cannot stop smiling.

I know I've said this over and over, but I know that what this church teaches is true.

There is such a thing as a prophet here on this earth and his name is Thomas S Monson. I truly believe that President Monson receives counsel from our Heavenly Father for us to hear in this latter day. I believe that the Book of Mormon was written for these days. The stories in this sacred book were written for our use, not for those people who lived with Nephi or Moroni. I know this, and I want you to know this too.

If you have questions about my religion or about the happiness I've attained because of it, please ask.

I'm Going On a Mission.

Published November 12, 2012

So, a few weeks ago, a historical announcement was made which changed the face of missionary work all over the world. Women can go on their missions at 19. TWO whole years earlier than was previously allowed. Wow. Mind Blown.

Really, though. I have been considering, and then planning on going on a mission for the last year. But I am only 19. And I still had two more years to wait before I could go on a mission. So, I decided to travel, work, and then go on a mission. Then I decided to just work and go on a mission. Then I decided to go back to school and then go on a mission. Whatever my current plan was, I was always going to go on a mission. In two years. But whatever my plan was at that moment, I never was fully satisfied. I had been saving money, something I had never done before and I had just sent my beautiful best friend on her mission to Arizona. And then the announcement was made. I seriously felt giddy.

So, I started wondering and searching and praying for whether or not I should go. I asked family for advice, and I consulted my patriarchial blessing. Weeks later I had not gotten a resounding yes or no. So, I wrote to by beautiful best friend and asked for her advice. I received her letter yesterday and it basically gave me words of encouragement and told me she thought I already had gotten my answer. I think I've gotten it too. Money saved. 19 years old. Considering it for a year. Patriarchial blessing. Feelings. Everything pointed to yes.

So, I'm going on a mission. A real, honest to goodness, 18 month mission. Now. I have started my papers and am hoping to maybe get a call by the end of December. What? Crazy. I know.

I also know that this gospel is true. I know we have true teachings from God himself, and I know God loves us. Each of us. Me and you. I know there is a plan out there for me, and I also know it is up to me to follow it or not. I know I am happier when I am following His commandments and I know you can be too. I know family is the most important thing in this life and in the next life. I know I want to be with them forever. I know there is a next life and a loving Heavenly Father and caring big brother, Jesus Christ waiting for us with open arms, ready to say "you made it. Welcome home". I look forward to hearing that. I hope that if you do not know these things that you are willing to find out for yourself. It is important.

Missions and Missionaries

Published October 6, 2012

So, today at General Conference, President Monson, my church's prophet, seer, and revelator made a historic accouncement. That announcement lowered the age to serve a mission from 19 to 18 for young men and from 21 to 19 for young women. Monumental.

I have spent the last year debating on what to do for the next couple of years until I turn 21 and can go on a mission. And going on a mission has always been the plan. I don't plan to go on a mission because my parents have told me I need to. I don't plan on going on a mission because everybody else is or because if I don't I'll apostasize and become a drug addict. I plan to go on a mission because I want to. I have seen the good that missionaries can bring to people's lives and I have seen the good that this church has brought to my life. Why wouldn't someone want to share something that has bettered them. That's almost like eating chocolate and not ever sharing it with anyone. ever. Even if it tastes better than anything you've ever had. If you find something good, you always want to share. And that is how this religion is for me.

Since the announcement from President Monson this morning at 12 EST the online world has exploded. On my facebook page, all young women who are 19 or 20 have a status referring to "major life changes ahead" or "whoa" or even, my personal favorite, "and God said let there be no 19 year olds at BYU and it was done". But the internet has also exploded with not so favorable reactions to the announcement. Many people think that this is a ploy by the Mormon church to take away free agency from their young members a year sooner. Or a way to brainwash their youth. Or whatnot. I say again, I do not plan to serve a mission because I've been told I must. Or because everyone else is. Or because I'm afraid of falling away from the church and this is the ONLY way to prevent that. No.

I plan to serve a mission because I believe in my Savior Jesus Christ. I believe that He and my Heavenly Father have given me everything that I have and more. I believe that they have sacrificed everything for me, and if I give them a year and a half of my life (which isn't really giving it away, it'll still affect me for the better), I will become a better person for it. And I believe that if I can improve just one person's life with what I know, then why not go?

I plan to serve a mission because I must for me and my Lord and Savior.

3.more.months.

I don't know if it's this way for everyone, but the time between getting your call and actually leaving is SO HARD.

Seriously.

I started my papers the first week of October. I submitted my papers November 18th. I got my call December 6th to BRAZIL. I report to the CTM in Sao Paulo on April 10th. I had 124 days until I reported to wait. and wait. and wait. and wait. and spend money. and wait.

I realize that some people get their calls and only have 30 days to prepare or even 60 days and they wish they had more time. I had 124 days and I so, so wish I had less time to prepare.

I am working full time right now to get the money I need to pay for my mission. It's hard. By the time that I quit I will have been at my job for 11 months. That is a long time to be alternating day and night shift, working 12 hour shifts, working every other weekend, working in 10 degree weather. And what will I have to show for it? about 6 thousand dollars. Not a lot. Just enough to be paying for my part of the mission and maybe a couple hundred for when I get home.

And right now, when I only have like 83 days left, Satan is working so so so hard on me. I  am finding new loans I have to make payments on now, I am finding out I might have to start school just 2 months after I get home, I am having serious doubts about whether or not I can even complete 18 months on a mission. There are doubts about learning portuguese, about getting my visa in time, about buying all the wrong things for my mission, or not having enough warm weather clothes or not enough cool weather clothes. About having the wrong shoes.

I seriously sit in my room and worry about how much money I will have and if it will be enough, and then I go out on shopping sprees trying to get the perfect wardrobe for my mission. And then I worry about the money I've spent. I have too much time to wait.

Some of my worries are legit. Some are silly. But they are all rolling around in here. In my head. And I still have 3 more months of this.

Heaven help me. Please.

A Missionary's Goal.

I don't think I've ever realized what missionaries DO. 

I have my mission call to the Brazil Vitoria Mission and I report April 10. When I got my call on the 6th of December, I was not too excited about the prospect of waiting 4 whole months until I could leave. I wanted to go right away. But as I get closer to my date and as I prepare to go out and teach His gospel I realize that I had a very skewed view of what missionaries are. 

It was my understanding that baptisms are all that matters in His eyes. And baptism does matter, but missionaries are not just meeting with people to baptize them. 

(The series that is on LDS.org right now, titled The District and The District 2 is what helped me come to this very important understanding)

They grow with these families that they teach. The missionaries start at the beginning, with the fact that we have a loving Heavenly Father, and work their way up from there. The spirit is constantly working with them to help the investigators with their specific needs and while the end goal is eternal life with our Heavenly Father, and baptism must be the first step in that journey, it is not the only thing that matters. 

It's the people that matter. It's the truth that matters. It's eternal happiness that matters.

I promise right now, to not be the straight laced, no fun, numbers are the biggest thing, type of missionary. Numbers are important. Being serious sometimes is important. But the most important thing is to help these people to come unto Christ. And to LOVE THESE PEOPLE.