3.more.months.

I don't know if it's this way for everyone, but the time between getting your call and actually leaving is SO HARD.

Seriously.

I started my papers the first week of October. I submitted my papers November 18th. I got my call December 6th to BRAZIL. I report to the CTM in Sao Paulo on April 10th. I had 124 days until I reported to wait. and wait. and wait. and wait. and spend money. and wait.

I realize that some people get their calls and only have 30 days to prepare or even 60 days and they wish they had more time. I had 124 days and I so, so wish I had less time to prepare.

I am working full time right now to get the money I need to pay for my mission. It's hard. By the time that I quit I will have been at my job for 11 months. That is a long time to be alternating day and night shift, working 12 hour shifts, working every other weekend, working in 10 degree weather. And what will I have to show for it? about 6 thousand dollars. Not a lot. Just enough to be paying for my part of the mission and maybe a couple hundred for when I get home.

And right now, when I only have like 83 days left, Satan is working so so so hard on me. I  am finding new loans I have to make payments on now, I am finding out I might have to start school just 2 months after I get home, I am having serious doubts about whether or not I can even complete 18 months on a mission. There are doubts about learning portuguese, about getting my visa in time, about buying all the wrong things for my mission, or not having enough warm weather clothes or not enough cool weather clothes. About having the wrong shoes.

I seriously sit in my room and worry about how much money I will have and if it will be enough, and then I go out on shopping sprees trying to get the perfect wardrobe for my mission. And then I worry about the money I've spent. I have too much time to wait.

Some of my worries are legit. Some are silly. But they are all rolling around in here. In my head. And I still have 3 more months of this.

Heaven help me. Please.