God can, but doesn't.

So, something that I've been trying to figure out in my mind for some time now is how involved God is in our lives. I understand that in the premortal realm, Heavenly Father accepted Christ's plan, and put it into motion. The plan was that we would be sent to earth as a test, and instead of being guaranteed a spot next to God in the next life (like Lucifer's plan would have done) we would have to earn that spot. I've also learned that God is in control of all things, that God has laid down a plan for all of us, and that God knows everything. For some reason I just couldn't get all of these facts to mesh, gel,, whatever, in my mind. Until I realized the one thing I was missing...

Free Agency.

Published December 20, 2012

After an interesting talk with my father, I see it like this. God has this helper who we call the Holy Spirit or the Holy Ghost. He can put thoughts into our heads, and whether or not we can distinguish them from ourselves or the spirit is up to us. Sometimes people can't but follow good promptings anyways. Yay! Sometimes people can't distinguish the difference, but ignore all good thoughts. No! Sometimes people distinguish the difference and only follow the spirit. Yay! Sometimes...you get the point.

Also, there is a plan laid out for all of us. When I got my patriarchial blessing I was told that those promises made in it would come to pass only if I was obedient. It is the same way with the plan God has laid out before us. If we listen to the spirit, or even the good thoughts in our heads, and follow Christ, the He will lead us along our chosen path. And even though sometimes we will run into hard times, which can only make us stronger if we lean on Him, most of the time, the only things on our paths are good.

The really bad things happen when we leave that path, that plan that has been laid out before us, and stop listening to the spirit, or the good thoughts inside our heads. This isn't a part of God's plan, this is a part of Satan. So sometimes God, through the spirit, tries to get us to do good, and Satan, through his dark angels, tries to get us to do good. God cannot force people into submissiion. That just isn't what he does. Free agency, remember?

So, basically, I believe that God has a plan for each of us. If we follow good, we will walk along that path and end up on God's right hand. If we refuse good, we will be cast out. God knows all things, and can control all things. But He doesn't because He gave us free agency.

There is no such thing as inferior with God.

Published December 16, 2012

The whole time I was "growing up" I somehow came to believe that those called to stateside missions were somehow inferior to those called to foreign missions. And those asked to serve a mission in English were somehow inferior to those asked to teach in a foreign language. Therefore, I came to the conclusion that the ultimate way to prove that you were completely capable in the eyes of God was to be called to a foreign, non-English speaking mission. I WAS WRONG!

With all the mission calls being issued in the past few weeks, I see people I know going to Mississippi, Argentina, Georgia, Brazil, Germany, and many, many other places throughout the world. And let me be the one to tell you, those girls (and boys) who are being called to stateside, English-speaking missions are so much better than I am. 

I know that God calls His missionaries to wherever He needs that specific person. There is someone in Brazil who needs to hear the gospel from a tall gringo, with bad portuguese. And there is someone in Mississippi who needs to hear the gospel from a fiery red-head who knows her stuff. Mission calls are absolutely inspired from God.

Also, I thought that I might feel like I might want to go on my mission to another place, other than where I got my mission call to. But I was also wrong about that. I have never, ever been out of the United States (unless you call going to Victoria, Canada out of the states, which I don't), And South America never crossed my mind as a potential mission. I always considered England, or Australia, or Africa. 

Never. Brazil.

But I have had confirmation that there is someone in Brazil who needs me there. And that the Brazil Vitoria Mission is the best mission in the world. And to think I've never even been there. I can't imagine how I'm going to feel when I actually get there!

116 days and counting...I can't wait!

He Has a Plan For Me

Published December 13, 2012

The more I think about serving a mission on the southeast coast of Brazil, speaking Portuguese with the locals, I have way mixed feelings.

Sometimes I think, "What am I doing?!? I don't know the gospel that well, I don't know if I can get through the day on 8 hours of sleep, I don't know if I can learn Portuguese enough to speak fluently in 3 months, I don't know if I really want to go to Brazil, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!"

Other times,  when I'm calmed and praying, I think, "I have been called to serve these Brazilian people. I don't need to know the language perfectly, all I need to do is love and serve them. Out of any of the places in the world I could have been called, I've been called to South America. It never crossed my mind as a possibility. I have a purpose in doing this and God is in all things. The spirit will help me in all I do because I am doing this for the salvation for mankind."

I leave my home in Pennsylvania in 118 days. I fly straight to Sao Paulo, Brazil and begin my mission. For 18 months, life isn't about me. Life is about loving those who live in southeast Brazil.

Eu sei que meu Pai Celestial tem um plano para mim. E servir uma missão só acontece de ser nas cartas. Vai ser difícil, mas vai valer a pena. Às vezes eu quero ir para casa e às vezes eu nunca vai querer sair. Deus vai se alegrar comigo e vai me fortalecer. Fui chamado para servir.

Chamado para servi-Lo, rei da glória celestial.

Published on December 6, 2012

I have been called to serve in the Brazil Vitoria mission. I will report to the Brazil MTC on Wednesday April 10, 2013. I will be speaking Portuguese, and it is anticipated that I will serve for a period of 18 months.

This feels so unreal. Like I'm in a dream, or something. I have been waiting for my mission call all week, well actually all my life, and it finally came today. I let it sit for a little while, and then I took it down to my bedroom to open it alone. I said a prayer and asked God to help me know that this is where He needs me to go. And I feel like it is. I feel like I should be terrified right about now. In 4 months from Monday, I will be in a foreign country where no one speaks my language. I will have a few weeks to learn a new language and how to teach people in this new language and then I will be sent out on the streets of Brazil, with a companion, to teach people about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I should be terrified. But I'm not. I am excited, and nervous, and have had a good deal of second thoughts today. But every time I have one of those thoughts, I realize that God has called me to the Brazil Vitoria mission for a reason. And it is my privilege to find out what that reason is.

I will very soon be a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

And...

Officially Recommended

Published on November 18, 2012

Today, I've been officially recommended for missionary service by both my branch president and my stake president. It feels so incredible. I seriously cannot stop smiling.

I know I've said this over and over, but I know that what this church teaches is true.

There is such a thing as a prophet here on this earth and his name is Thomas S Monson. I truly believe that President Monson receives counsel from our Heavenly Father for us to hear in this latter day. I believe that the Book of Mormon was written for these days. The stories in this sacred book were written for our use, not for those people who lived with Nephi or Moroni. I know this, and I want you to know this too.

If you have questions about my religion or about the happiness I've attained because of it, please ask.

I'm Going On a Mission.

Published November 12, 2012

So, a few weeks ago, a historical announcement was made which changed the face of missionary work all over the world. Women can go on their missions at 19. TWO whole years earlier than was previously allowed. Wow. Mind Blown.

Really, though. I have been considering, and then planning on going on a mission for the last year. But I am only 19. And I still had two more years to wait before I could go on a mission. So, I decided to travel, work, and then go on a mission. Then I decided to just work and go on a mission. Then I decided to go back to school and then go on a mission. Whatever my current plan was, I was always going to go on a mission. In two years. But whatever my plan was at that moment, I never was fully satisfied. I had been saving money, something I had never done before and I had just sent my beautiful best friend on her mission to Arizona. And then the announcement was made. I seriously felt giddy.

So, I started wondering and searching and praying for whether or not I should go. I asked family for advice, and I consulted my patriarchial blessing. Weeks later I had not gotten a resounding yes or no. So, I wrote to by beautiful best friend and asked for her advice. I received her letter yesterday and it basically gave me words of encouragement and told me she thought I already had gotten my answer. I think I've gotten it too. Money saved. 19 years old. Considering it for a year. Patriarchial blessing. Feelings. Everything pointed to yes.

So, I'm going on a mission. A real, honest to goodness, 18 month mission. Now. I have started my papers and am hoping to maybe get a call by the end of December. What? Crazy. I know.

I also know that this gospel is true. I know we have true teachings from God himself, and I know God loves us. Each of us. Me and you. I know there is a plan out there for me, and I also know it is up to me to follow it or not. I know I am happier when I am following His commandments and I know you can be too. I know family is the most important thing in this life and in the next life. I know I want to be with them forever. I know there is a next life and a loving Heavenly Father and caring big brother, Jesus Christ waiting for us with open arms, ready to say "you made it. Welcome home". I look forward to hearing that. I hope that if you do not know these things that you are willing to find out for yourself. It is important.

Missions and Missionaries

Published October 6, 2012

So, today at General Conference, President Monson, my church's prophet, seer, and revelator made a historic accouncement. That announcement lowered the age to serve a mission from 19 to 18 for young men and from 21 to 19 for young women. Monumental.

I have spent the last year debating on what to do for the next couple of years until I turn 21 and can go on a mission. And going on a mission has always been the plan. I don't plan to go on a mission because my parents have told me I need to. I don't plan on going on a mission because everybody else is or because if I don't I'll apostasize and become a drug addict. I plan to go on a mission because I want to. I have seen the good that missionaries can bring to people's lives and I have seen the good that this church has brought to my life. Why wouldn't someone want to share something that has bettered them. That's almost like eating chocolate and not ever sharing it with anyone. ever. Even if it tastes better than anything you've ever had. If you find something good, you always want to share. And that is how this religion is for me.

Since the announcement from President Monson this morning at 12 EST the online world has exploded. On my facebook page, all young women who are 19 or 20 have a status referring to "major life changes ahead" or "whoa" or even, my personal favorite, "and God said let there be no 19 year olds at BYU and it was done". But the internet has also exploded with not so favorable reactions to the announcement. Many people think that this is a ploy by the Mormon church to take away free agency from their young members a year sooner. Or a way to brainwash their youth. Or whatnot. I say again, I do not plan to serve a mission because I've been told I must. Or because everyone else is. Or because I'm afraid of falling away from the church and this is the ONLY way to prevent that. No.

I plan to serve a mission because I believe in my Savior Jesus Christ. I believe that He and my Heavenly Father have given me everything that I have and more. I believe that they have sacrificed everything for me, and if I give them a year and a half of my life (which isn't really giving it away, it'll still affect me for the better), I will become a better person for it. And I believe that if I can improve just one person's life with what I know, then why not go?

I plan to serve a mission because I must for me and my Lord and Savior.

3.more.months.

I don't know if it's this way for everyone, but the time between getting your call and actually leaving is SO HARD.

Seriously.

I started my papers the first week of October. I submitted my papers November 18th. I got my call December 6th to BRAZIL. I report to the CTM in Sao Paulo on April 10th. I had 124 days until I reported to wait. and wait. and wait. and wait. and spend money. and wait.

I realize that some people get their calls and only have 30 days to prepare or even 60 days and they wish they had more time. I had 124 days and I so, so wish I had less time to prepare.

I am working full time right now to get the money I need to pay for my mission. It's hard. By the time that I quit I will have been at my job for 11 months. That is a long time to be alternating day and night shift, working 12 hour shifts, working every other weekend, working in 10 degree weather. And what will I have to show for it? about 6 thousand dollars. Not a lot. Just enough to be paying for my part of the mission and maybe a couple hundred for when I get home.

And right now, when I only have like 83 days left, Satan is working so so so hard on me. I  am finding new loans I have to make payments on now, I am finding out I might have to start school just 2 months after I get home, I am having serious doubts about whether or not I can even complete 18 months on a mission. There are doubts about learning portuguese, about getting my visa in time, about buying all the wrong things for my mission, or not having enough warm weather clothes or not enough cool weather clothes. About having the wrong shoes.

I seriously sit in my room and worry about how much money I will have and if it will be enough, and then I go out on shopping sprees trying to get the perfect wardrobe for my mission. And then I worry about the money I've spent. I have too much time to wait.

Some of my worries are legit. Some are silly. But they are all rolling around in here. In my head. And I still have 3 more months of this.

Heaven help me. Please.

A Missionary's Goal.

I don't think I've ever realized what missionaries DO. 

I have my mission call to the Brazil Vitoria Mission and I report April 10. When I got my call on the 6th of December, I was not too excited about the prospect of waiting 4 whole months until I could leave. I wanted to go right away. But as I get closer to my date and as I prepare to go out and teach His gospel I realize that I had a very skewed view of what missionaries are. 

It was my understanding that baptisms are all that matters in His eyes. And baptism does matter, but missionaries are not just meeting with people to baptize them. 

(The series that is on LDS.org right now, titled The District and The District 2 is what helped me come to this very important understanding)

They grow with these families that they teach. The missionaries start at the beginning, with the fact that we have a loving Heavenly Father, and work their way up from there. The spirit is constantly working with them to help the investigators with their specific needs and while the end goal is eternal life with our Heavenly Father, and baptism must be the first step in that journey, it is not the only thing that matters. 

It's the people that matter. It's the truth that matters. It's eternal happiness that matters.

I promise right now, to not be the straight laced, no fun, numbers are the biggest thing, type of missionary. Numbers are important. Being serious sometimes is important. But the most important thing is to help these people to come unto Christ. And to LOVE THESE PEOPLE.